Moments

Since the death of my Aunt Bobbie my family has been trying to hold it together. We visit and call each other. For those that are able to talk the ever present question is "How are you holding up?". It seems the answer is just as expected "I have my moments." That seems to be what we are having, moments. Moments when it doesn't even seem real and then moments when it is overwhelming. I went to call her husband, just to check on him and make sure he was eating. In my cell phone the number is still listed in her name, that was a hard moment. For now, I just don't have what it takes to change it. I may never have what it takes to do that. And I suppose I am ok with that. I tell myself to focus on what I had with her, not what I have lost. That really doesn't make a lot of sense. You see, when I think of what I had I know what I have lost.
One of the last things my aunt enjoyed doing was volunteering at the mission. This song reminds me of that. Tired, worn out from cancer, and sick from chemo she would still go to the mission to help feed others in need. Those were her good moments.