Does it feel like Christmas to you?

Well, does it feel like Christmas to you? I still do not have my tree up yet. I don't have one bit of Christmas decoration out, unless you count the Santa Claus on the shelf that I didn't pack from last year. Maybe it is because my kids are getting older? I don't know. Could it be because money is especially tight right now? That probably is a big part of it. But we have had harder times and we have always made it through. I told my husband tonight, I have my family what more could I possibly want. And I do not say that because it sounds like what people are supposed to say. For those that know me, you know I don't tell people what they want to hear. I simply tell them as I see it. How do you smile, sing, and shop when you know this will be the last Christmas of someone you love? What gift do you give this person? The one thing they want more than anything in the world and I can't give it. Time.
I tell myself "put your big girl panties on and suck it up" and I get through another day. I don't want to shop, I do not want to sing, and I sure as hell do not feel like smiling. But I do. Or at least I do the best I can. I suppose that means I am the grown up. The older I get , the less I want to be the grown up.